I should start by saying, this story is NOT about me or my love life. So, if you were hoping to read about relationship drama, this is definitely not the blog for you. Especially if you wanted to read about HUMAN relationship drama.
On the other hand, if you're at all interested (and really, who isn't?) in the ever-volatile love life of a cute yet mischievous backyard rodent, well, you've come to the right place. Because this story is about Paws the Squirrel.
Paws lives in the tree in my backyard and spends most of his time doing squirrel-centered activities...most of which involve eating, particularly eating things from my bird feeders and being not at all baffled by the squirrel baffle designed to keep him out.
But it's been warm lately, reminding Paws that spring is coming...and in spring, a young squirrel's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Which brings us to Maws.
Maws should live in the backyard but after romantic encounters with the aforementioned Paws, has been known to make her home in wildly inappropriate places.
It's interesting to note that, when you oh-so-gently bang on the gutter with a rake handle, Maws is not only not amused and not afraid, she's borderline terrifying.
In any case, that was last year and since Opie and I are not squirderers, we waited until Maws had moved on then repaired and sealed the gutter to prevent any more rodent remodeling. Which now brings me back to Paws and his desperate search for love.
As near as we can tell, Paws is completely enamored of Maws and they have this weird courting ritual in which he chases her around the yard, up and down the house, across the roof sounding for all the world like a whole scurry of squirrels (in a totally unrelated note, how fun is the term scurry of squirrels?).
The thing is, after constant gorging on birdseed and nuts, Paws is a bit of a chunk. And while I'm certainly not squirrel-shaming, this does mean that Maws is much, much faster than Paws. She's also considerably braver, flinging herself from branch to branch in the manner of a squirrel warrior who has stared down a rake-wielding woman and lived to tell the tale.
So, yesterday, as we were sitting on the porch, watching these antics, we saw Maws make one of her epic daredevil maneuvers, leaping a nearly impossible distance from one tree to another. Then she scampered to the top of the tree and danced around in what I can only assume was some sort of seductive squirrel samba.
Paws wanted to follow her, he really did. But Paws is a squirrel who understands his limitations. He crept to the end of the branch, noped out of there, ran down to a lower branch, gave that 2 paws down, checked out another branch and stood there, torn with indecision.
I had enough time to go back inside, get my camera, change the battery, put in a new SD card and head back to the porch before he finally made his move.
These aren't the best pictures - the whole reason I didn't have my camera in the first place was because the light wasn't that great - but suffice to say, it did NOT go well.
Ever the supportive neighbors, Opie and I cheered and yelled encouraging platitudes to Paws (no word on what the human neighbors thought of this enthusiasm). And, much to everyone's relief, Paws got his balance and made it safely on the branch.
Unfortunately for Paws, love is a fickle thing and Maws was completely unimpressed with this unimpressive display. By the time Paws made it to the top of the tree, she was long gone. Because I have no trouble assigning human emotions to animals, I immediately decided Paws was heartbroken, completely crushed by the embarrassing destruction of his conquest....but I'm happy to report that it looks like he's managed to pick up the pieces - or the peanuts as the case may be - and move on.
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